A New Life
by AOBZ
Summary: "No. I need to know you're safe. I need to wake up in the morning and know that you're okay. I need to be there when you're sad, when you're angry, when you need someone to talk to. I know you need me, Alex, and I need you too. I can't watch you leave again." Alex is going back into the WPP and Olivia can't bear to leave her again, so she joins her in the WPP. **A/O FEMSLASH!**
1. Chapter 1

**I'm back with a brand new story! It is going to be reeeeeeeeeeally long, so sit tight. I hope you'll enjoy the ride! **

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything. **

**This is going to be rated M for future chapters. PS- This is going to be a very slow build up to an eventual A/O relationship. If you don't like slow build ups or femslash, you should turn away now. Also, I do my own editing so all mistakes are mine. I apologise in advance! **

**The start of this story is based on the episode "Ghost". However, I've alternated it to fit the rest of this story. **

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><p>Olivia was on a high, celebrating with everyone the fact that they had gotten a guilty verdict for Alex, for Antonio, and for every person Connors had killed. He would rot in prison, and it was another small step towards stopping Velez and bringing Alex home.<p>

Alex. God, she had missed her. Olivia looked around the room, smiling at her coworkers. They probably assumed that she was smiling because of the verdict, and she was, kind of, but the real reason was that she knew that Alex was coming tonight to celebrate. She wanted to talk to her, to be near her, to touch her before the woman had to leave again.

That was a thought that made Olivia's smile falter. She was going to have to leave again…Last night, in the hotel room, they hadn't talked about it. At least not really. They hadn't talked about the fact that they hadn't seen each other in over a year. They hadn't talked about the fact that Olivia had been busting her ass for a year looking for Velez so that Alex could come home. They hadn't really discussed her sudden return either. They hadn't talked about the fact that they both stayed up at night, tossing and turning in bed and thinking about the other woman. They hadn't talked about the fact that Alex had been ripped away from her, just as they had started a relationship. They hadn't talked about the fact that Olivia would always wait for her, no matter how long it took…

Instead, they had lain in bed after Alex had looked at the file, the blonde wrapped in Olivia's arms. The detective had held her close, and when Alex started to sob against her, Olivia held her tighter and comforted her. They said nothing though. The mood in the room said enough. And when they woke up the next morning, still wrapped in each other's arms, Olivia's heart broke at the thought of having to say goodbye to her yet again. But she knew they'd at least have tonight, after the celebration.

And so here she was, waiting for Alex with everyone else. She grinned widely when they heard someone approach the door. She held her glass tight, the fingers of her other hand tapping excitedly against her leg. When D.E.A. Agent Jack Hammond walked in, Olivia looked behind him.

"Where's Alex?"

"Marshals are moving her and Antonio to new identities," he explained, looking away. When he looked back, he looked directly at Olivia. "She asked me to say goodbye."

Hammond prepared for Olivia's questions, something Alex had warned him would happen. The blonde had told him that Olivia wouldn't take the news well, and that she would become upset. However, the brunette did not react as Alex had predicted. For a moment, she looked hurt, saddened, until something flashed across her eyes. She raised her eyebrows, turned and placed her glass on the table a little too forcefully, and marched over to him.

"Take me to her."

"Olivia-" Elliot called from behind her.

"Take me to her, _now_," she said forcefully.

Hammond shook his head.

"That's not possible. They're getting ready to be moved."

"Which means they haven't moved her _yet_. Get on the phone, call whoever needs to be called up, and get me to her. If you don't, I swear to God, I will make you regret it."

"Olivia, you cannot threaten-" Captain Cragen started, but stopped when Hammond held his hand up.

"It's fine. Can I speak with you outside, detective?" he said curtly.

Everyone watched in silence as the detective led the way out of the room, followed by Hammond. When the door closed behind them, Olivia turned around and faced him.

"I want to see her."

"I know. She warned me that-"

"Take me to her," she said. "I need to speak with her."

Olivia could feel her anger boiling. _God damn it, Alex. Fuck. _Why would she leave like this, without even saying goodbye? Without anything? She was directing her anger at Hammond instead of Alex right now, but she didn't care. She needed to see the blonde and would do anything to do so.

Hammond sighed. Alex had warned him that Olivia might also become aggressive and angry. It seemed she was choosing that approach. There was no time to argue with her, and in the event that she insisted forcefully, Alex had agreed to have her come before she left.

"You won't have much time."

"I don't need much."

He looked at her carefully for a moment before turning and leading the way to his car. They drove in silence to a safe house forty five minutes away. When they arrived, Olivia was still battling her anger. She thought she had gotten it under control, until she saw Alex sitting calmly at the kitchen table.

"I figured you wouldn't just let me go."

Truth be told, Alex was glad that Olivia had fought, that she had insisted on seeing her. She knew she needed to see the other woman, but at the same time, she couldn't face her. She couldn't say goodbye again; it would hurt too much. She was relieved to see her now though, even if she could feel the lump of sadness in her throat starting already.

"You were just going to _leave_? Don't I at least warrant a goodbye? Some kind of acknowledgement?"

"Liv…"

"No. You can't just walk out of my life like this, Alex. Not again. I can't do this again. And to think you were just going to leave without even talking to me-" Olivia stopped when her voice broke.

Alex motioned to the door behind them.

"Can we talk in there?"

"You need to make it quick, Alex. It won't be much longer before we have to leave."

Alex glanced at Hammond.

"You can wait until we've finished," she snapped, turning and leading the way to the bedroom.

Olivia followed her in, her anger dissipating slightly. It always did when she saw Alex. The truth was that she was hurt and she was scared, but the anger was what surfaced first. Now that she had let some of it out, it was crumbling and she was left with what she really felt: fear and hurt. She couldn't lose Alex again. Seeing her these past couple of days had reminded her of just how much she had missed her, needed her, and the thought of having to relive life without her… she couldn't do it. She needed Alex. She couldn't go through the torment of wondering if the blonde was alive, if she was safe, if she was scared, if she was lonely. She couldn't bear the thought of knowing that Alex was crying alone in an unfamiliar bed, in an unfamiliar house, in a town she knew nothing about, with no friends to speak of. She saw how sad Alex's eyes were when they were first reunited two days ago. The spark Alex once had, it was gone. She looked… empty.

Alex closed the door behind them, turning to Olivia and looking her in the eye.

"I'm sorry, Liv. I was a coward. I just…I can't say goodbye to you again. I have so much to say to you and I can't-" her voice broke.

Alex tried to fight the tears, but she couldn't. She could never hide from Olivia. When the brunette walked over to her and pulled her in her arms, Alex lost control and sobbed into her embrace.

"I've missed you so much, Liv," she starting, speaking through sobs. "I couldn't…I couldn't say goodbye to you again. I barely survived the first time. I know what it's like now," she paused, another wave of sobs coming over her, "I know what it's like without you. I didn't want to put you through this. I wanted to save you from the truth…that I can't do this without you. That I need you. And I couldn't face you again. I'm sorry." Her words were confused, her thoughts jumping from one thing to the other, but she had so much to say and so little time to say it. "I have thought of you every single day. I missed you every single day. There was never anyone else. I didn't want you to know that. I lied about the guy. I just wanted you to think I was okay. And I thought I could help you move on by saying that. But I don't want you to move on. I'm selfish and I want you," she clung to her as she said these last few words. "And I fucking hate Velez. I hate all of this. I hate what he's done to me, what he's done to my life."

Olivia wrapped her arms tight around Alex when she felt the woman start getting angry.

"Alex," she said softly, soothingly.

The blonde's tense body relaxed when Olivia whispered her name.

"I've missed you saying my name…" she whispered. "I missed my name."

Olivia said nothing. She simply held Alex as a million thoughts went through her mind. She went over everything Alex had said, went over everything she was feeling and thinking herself, and came to one conclusion: she needed to be with Alex.

She titled her head and whispered in Alex's ear, "I'm going with you."

The woman froze in her arms. Alex blinked once, twice, before drawing away enough to look in Olivia's eyes.

"What?"

"I'm going with you."

"Where?"

"I'm going with you this time, into the Program."

"W-What?" she stuttered, shocked. She backed away and shook her head. "No, Liv. You can't- I didn't say those things because I wanted you to-"

"I'm coming," Olivia said decisively.

"Liv-"

"I can't do it again, Alex. I can't. I lived through hell this last year, wondering where you were, how you were doing, if you were alive, if they knew where you were… If you'd be able to defend yourself if they found you. If you'd get shot again. I wondered if they'd figure out where you were. I wondered if they'd catch you, if they'd torture you. It was torture knowing that you were alone, scared. You needed me and I wasn't there. What's more, I needed you. I needed to be with you. I regretted every fucking day not coming with you. Seeing you these last couple of days…I've made up my mind, Alex. I'm going with you."

"You don't know what it's like, Olivia. It's hell. You're all alone, you have no friends, you have no memories, you have nothing. You are given a name, a new identity, a new job, a new life… You are living a lie and you have to pretend to be something you're not. You'd have to leave your job, Elliot, the guys. You'd have to leave your apartment, your belongings. Your job is your life; you can't leave it. You don't know what you're getting into, Olivia, and you're going to regret it. I won't let you do this. I know you're upset right now, but-"

"No. You don't get it, do you? I have been sitting around since the night you left, waiting for you. I miss you more now than I did when you were first taken away and when I saw you in Casey's office, it took every single ounce of my being not to throw myself against you and hold you until my arms ached as much as my heart has this past year. _You_ are what I need, Alex. I have thought about nothing but you for the last year and I know I can't do this again. I need to know you're safe-"

"I am safe in the program."

"No. _I_ need to know you're safe. I need to come home every day and see that you are. I need to wake up in the morning and know that you're okay. I need to be there when you're sad, when you're angry, when you need someone to talk to. I know you need me, Alex, and I need you too. I can't watch you leave again. Please don't make me."

"Olivia, how can I let you make this kind of decision? Jesus, how do you know that you want this? Do you even know what you're getting yourself into? And for me? Why? We aren't married. We aren't engaged. We were barely seeing each other…"

"What I had with you was more intense, more real than anything I've ever had before, Alex. If you hadn't gotten shot, hadn't been taken away, we'd still be together. Hell, maybe we'd have gotten engaged _and_ married by now. You were the only thing that mattered to me and the day you were ripped away…my life ended, Alex. I should have insisted on going with you then, but I didn't. I was in shock and I couldn't comprehend what was happening. I'll be damned if I'll make that mistake again."

"What if it doesn't work out between us, Liv? You'll have sacrificed everything…"

"At least I will know you're safe. The guys are going to get him, Alex. They are going to get Velez. You won't be gone forever and if things don't work out, I won't regret the choice I made. You are too important to me to ever regret doing everything in my power to keep you safe."

"Alex," Hammond said loudly, knocking on the door. "We have to go."

Alex looked at Olivia. The brunette was unmoving.

"You haven't had enough time to think about this," she answered, her pulse racing.

"I have had a year to think about it, Alex."

"You don't know what you're getting into," she protested weakly.

"Alex," Olivia said, gently.

The knocking became more insistent. "Alex, we need to leave _now_."

The blonde looked back at Olivia.

"Don't let this become a regret. Don't let _me_ become a regret."

"Never."

The conviction in her voice was palpable. The blonde looked at her hard, trying to see any doubt. There was none.

"Okay," she nodded. Hammond was going to throw a fit, but that didn't matter now. She led the way to the door, Olivia following closely behind.

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading! Stay tuned for chapter 2. I can't wait to see those familiar names I miss so much :) <strong>


	2. Chapter 2

I'm not sure how much I like this chapter, but I didn't want to keep you guys waiting any longer. After some heavy editing, this is what I produced! Please let me know if you find any errors and/or confusing parts. I did my best to make everything clear, but it's hard when you have two "she"s lol. I hope you enjoy :)

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><p>"We're ready," Alex said.<p>

Hammond frowned.

"We?" He looked momentarily confused, until it dawned on him "Alex-"

"Stop. There's no point in arguing because it's already been decided. I'm not doing this alone _again_, Agent Hammond. The threat against my life has now greatly intensified. Velez knows I'm alive and he will stop at nothing to find me. He will now undoubtedly become extremely angry that I have been alive all of this time and that he had no idea. He will not let me make a fool out of him a second time, and he will be searching every inch of the United States to find me. He is well connected and when they finally do find me, I will be defenseless. I am a prosecutor, not an officer of the law. I have no training in such matters. Detective Benson and I have discussed this at length and we have both agreed that I would be much safer and better protected if I had someone there with me, undercover."

"Alex, the Witness Protection Program will keep you safe. You have nothing to worry about while you are in it. However, if you felt the need to have a bodyguard, there are agents specially trained for-"

"I have chosen someone that I trust. If I'm going to have a bodyguard, I'll be forced to spend an inordinate amount of time with this person, and I will not have some stranger living in my house. I have no control over anything else you throw at me, Agent Hammond. I will at least control this. I'll comply with everything else you do, as long as you give me this."

Hammond stared at her, a million thoughts running through his mind.

"You have dealt with me before. I promise to behave if you make this happen."

Alex was a royal pain in the ass, and a demanding one at that. His life would be so much easier if she went along with what he said. He turned to detective Benson.

"Are you sure you want to do this, detective? Have you really thought about everything you're about to give up? You can't leave once you've decided you don't want to do this anymore."

Olivia nodded.

"I know what I'm doing, sir. I won't change my mind."

Hammond shook his head, defeated.

"Get in the car. This is going to be a nightmare. My superiors are not going to be happy, but I'll make it happen. I'm holding you to what you said, Alex. Not one argument."

The blonde nodded and followed him to the vehicle. They made their way inside, Hammond thrusting a pen and a pad of paper in Olivia's hand.

"Write out detailed instructions to whoever you trust about your belongings. Whatever doesn't matter to you should be given away or thrown out. The things of particular importance, well, that person can hang onto them for you. Your bank account will be frozen. Your credit cards will be cancelled. Make a list of any gym memberships, magazine subscriptions, volunteer work, anything that you participate in so that they can be looked after as well. When you're finished, give the pad to Agent Simmons, the driver, and he will give it to me. I'll make sure everything is taken care of."

Olivia nodded.

"Thank you."

"I hope you know what you're doing," he said to her. He then turned to Alex. "Good luck."

He closed the door and watched as the car took off.

Olivia looked over at Alex, trying hard not to feel overwhelmed. She knew that she was making the right decision, the only decision there was to be made, but she couldn't help feeling a little bit worried. She was leaving everything behind… But then again, when she thought about it, what was she really leaving behind? She had no family, no real friends other than the guys, no animals, no kids, no real life outside of work… She would miss the hell out of Elliot and the guys, she would even miss the crazy work hours, but she knew it wouldn't compare to how much she had missed Alex.

"Hey," the blonde said softly. "It's not too late to change your mind."

Olivia shook her head.

"I'm not considering that."

"What were you thinking about?"

"About the fact that, honestly, I'm really not leaving anything behind. Everything that mattered to me was ripped away the night you left."

Alex had been Olivia's friend and her closest confidant even before they had started dating. They spent most of their free time together going for walks, going to the beach, hanging out at home or taking short trips to nearby cities. They were together nearly every day, but for a long time, they were nothing more than friends. That is, until one afternoon, everything changed.

Suddenly, Olivia had found herself in love. The realisation had hit her like a ton of bricks while they were at the park, sitting on a blanket and having a small picnic. It was a wonderfully sunny day, and Alex had been sitting next to her in a yellow sundress. She looked so beautiful, Olivia had once again found herself thinking it, and when the detective cracked a joke about she-didn't-remember-what-now, it was the way that Alex had leaned back and laughed with her entire body that made Olivia realise that she was completely in love with her. It hadn't been a happy moment though. Frankly, it had shaken her to the core. It scared her because she wasn't sure what that would mean. She wasn't sure if she could just be friends with someone she loved so entirely. And with someone as perceptive as Alex, how long could she keep her feelings a secret?

She had spent that entire day in her own head, thinking about everything that could and would go wrong if she confessed her feelings to the blonde. Things would change between them and that was something Olivia wouldn't be able to handle. The woman had become her best friend, and Olivia couldn't lose her.

Alex, of course, had noticed her change in mood when they left the park. She had asked her later on that night why she was so quiet, but Olivia couldn't explain it. She couldn't tell her. The brunette hid her feelings and refused to open up, so Alex had been forced to drop it.

They had continued on as friends for nearly half a year, until Alex approached her one day, upset, and told her that she needed to talk to her. Olivia had spent the entire day in a blind panic, thinking that Alex had finally figured out her secret. She couldn't stop going over in her mind exactly what she would say to the woman to explain herself. She knew it would happen one day. She couldn't hide forever, but she hadn't expected it to come out so quickly. So Olivia spent the day beside herself with worry, and when she arrived at the blonde's apartment that night, her stomach was in knots. When she walked in, she was confused but relieved at Alex's obvious nervousness. At least she wasn't the only one who was feeling uneasy.

Alex sat down next to her and immediately started talking. She spoke a mile a minute, apologising and saying that she hadn't realised what was going on until it was too late, and that she hadn't meant for it to happen. She confessed that she was afraid, that she didn't want to ruin their friendship, and that she had tried to stop it. She explained that she had tried to distance herself, tried to stop the attraction, but that in the end, it had been in vain. Alex stated that was sorry that it happened because she didn't want to make her uncomfortable. She was finally confessing her secret to Olivia because she didn't know what to do anymore. She stated that she couldn't take it, and that she needed to admit everything.

Olivia sat there, confused as ever, clueless as to how it was Alex's fault that Olivia was attracted to her.

"_Alex, how is this your fault? You couldn't have stopped any of it. I didn't want you to figure it out, so I did my best to hide it. I'm sorry I lied. I didn't want to ruin things between us. But how did you even realise…?" _

Alex had been so upset and confused by her own emotions that she hadn't understood that Olivia had been talking about her own feelings. She thought Olivia was talking about her confession, so she answered the question as such.

"_I don't know. It started out small I guess. Little butterflies when you'd text, getting excited when I knew I would see you. But I just figured it was because I was happy to finally have a friend, you know? I didn't think much of it. Maybe I was in denial. Who knows? But it's hard to deny this attraction to you. The way I feel when you're around, the things you do to me… it's overwhelming at times. I've never felt this way before, but I don't expect anything from you. I don't want to make things awkward between us, Liv. I just couldn't keep it to myself anymore. I had to tell you-" _

Olivia had sat in stunned silence for several minutes before she finally interrupted.

"_Wait, wait. Stop." _

The blonde couldn't mean what Olivia thought she meant. Alex was attracted to her? She had to be mistaken.

"_Repeat what you just said."_

The brunette's heart was racing, her heartbeat was pounding in her ears, and her palms were incredibly sweaty. This couldn't be happening.

"_I like you, and-"_

Before she knew what was happening, she felt strong hands wrap around her upper arm and yank her forward. She looked up and was immediately pulled into a demanding kiss. Completely taken aback, it had taken her a second to recover from shock before she could respond. She quickly pulled away, shaking her head.

"_No, Liv. Stop. I can't do this."_

"_Why not?"_

"_Because you don't feel the same way I do. I can't-"_

"_Alex, are you kidding? Do you have any idea how I feel? How attracted I am to you? How much I love you? How beautiful I think you are? I've been in love with you for so long that I can't remember a time when I wasn't. I thought I was coming here because you figured out I was head over heels for you and you no longer wanted to see me."_

Alex had shaken her head, her feelings overwhelming her. This was all too much. She was so confused. Her emotions were battling deep inside of her. Olivia could see her inner struggle and gripped her shoulders tight, turning her so that she was forced to look into her eyes.

"_Listen to me, honey. I am so, so attracted to you. I want you so much that it hurts. I've been aching to tell you how I feel for so long. But I couldn't do it. I was afraid to lose you. But believe me, I want you more than I've wanted anything in my life." _

That was when Alex had broken down and cried. The brunette gathered her in her arms, holding her close.

"_I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm crying. I'm just overwhelmed. I never dreamed this would happen. I imagined every way this could play out, but I never thought you'd return my feelings."_

"_You didn't imagine this version? Me confessing my undying love for you?" Olivia asked._

"_No. I couldn't. I couldn't let myself hope that it could be true. It would have hurt too much if it had gone another way."_

"_Well, you never had to hope because I always wanted you, Alex."_

"_I can't believe it. I feel like I'm dreaming."_

"_Believe it, love. Because it's true." _

And that was when Olivia had inched away enough to pull the blonde into another kiss. This time, Alex returned the kiss with everything she had, everything she felt. She pressed her body close, wrapping her arms around Olivia's neck.

It was like nothing the blonde had ever experienced before. She could feel all the love, affection, and tenderness Olivia felt for her pouring into her from that one kiss. It had moved her to tears. It was the single best kiss she had ever experienced, and it had solidified all of her feelings for the charming detective.

And that's how it began. They started seeing each other. Nothing changed other than the fact that Olivia was now allowed to take Alex's hand, kiss her when she wanted to and cuddle her on the couch. Alex had stopped holding back the comments she had been thinking for months: how sexy the detective looked in her tight black pants, how much she liked when the woman smiled at her, how much she loved her… But everything else was the same: they still saw each other every change they got, they still got lunch together, they still went to the beach and to the movies. Things didn't get "weird" as they both had worried would happen.

They took it very slowly though, thinking they had all the time in the world. Olivia was determined to be a gentleman, to take her time with the blonde, and she had. But then Alex got shot and she was ripped away just two months later. Suddenly, Olivia's life was turned upside down. She could no longer talk to Alex, text her before bed, wish her goodnight, take her out to baseball games or have her over for a movie night. She could no longer hear the blonde's infectious laugh or see her beautiful smile. She could no longer hold the woman's hand or confide in her when she needed to talk. She had no one with whom to share her thoughts. She was alone.

Soon, grief and regret began to overwhelm her every sense. She regretted not telling the blonde more often about how much Alex meant to her. She regretted not kissing her more often, not holding her hand more. She had done these things each and every single time they were together, but it still didn't feel like enough. Looking back, she should have done it more. She should have seen Alex more. Part of her regretted taking things so slowly. She had never even gotten to make love to her…

"Liv?"

Olivia snapped out of her thoughts.

"Are you okay? Are you sure you want to do this?"

Olivia reached over and pulled her into a hug. She could still feel the regret that once consumed her, but she reminded herself that things were different now. She could do everything she felt she hadn't done before.

"I regret every moment I wasted not being with you, Alex. I lost over a year of time with you. I lost a year of dates, of affection, of love, of cuddling, of kissing, of telling you how much I love you. I won't let that happen again. I need to be with you. Without you, I'm not living. I'm just existing, going through the motions. I need to be with you. I'm making the right decision being with you now."

Alex's heart stopped. God, this woman. She could move her to tears with just her words.

"I just…" her voice caught in her throat. She cleared it and started again. "I don't want you to feel like you are rushing into this."

"I'm not. I know we're not going to pick up where we left off. I know that over a year has gone by and that you've changed. I know I have changed. But everything I felt for you is still there, Alex, and I want to see if what existed between us can develop further than it did. I want to try again with you. And most of all, I want to know that you're safe and that you're okay so that I can finally have a good night's sleep."

Alex nodded at her, ignoring the fluttering in her stomach. She tried to remain calm, neutral, and despite her worry that Olivia would regret this decision, she couldn't help the growing excitement and happiness in the pit of her stomach at the thought that Olivia would be with her this time. She had had nothing familiar, nothing from her old life… not a piece of furniture, not an article of clothing, not even a photograph the last time she had been placed in the WPP. Now, she would have the best thing of all: Olivia- the one thing she had missed and wished for the most the last time she had been in hiding.

Olivia smiled at her before she finally turned to the note pad in her hand and began writing a letter to Elliot, telling him what to do with her things. She trusted him more than anyone in this world (besides Alex), and she couldn't help tearing up at the thought of not seeing him for … well, God knew how long. She told him to get rid of her clothes, save for a couple of articles she particularly liked (like her leather jacket) and to give away her furniture. She didn't care about any of those things. She asked him to keep her watch, to save her photo albums, and the box of keepsakes she had in her closet. She listed a few more items, like her diploma from the academy and her favourite sunglasses, but most of the items in her apartment she told him to get rid of. There was no sense in keeping the CDs or the knick knacks. Those things could be replaced. Alex helped her write out a letter giving Elliot power of attorney in order to make decisions during Olivia's absence. The brunette knew that she could trust him to make important decisions for her. She also felt that she needed to talk to him, to tell him why she was doing this.

So, she began writing an apology, attempting to explain herself. She didn't know that when Elliot finally received the note, he had already understood. He read the letter, and although it killed him to know that he wouldn't see her again for what could be years, he knew that she would be better off with Alex. He had seen what it had done to her when the blonde left, and he didn't want to have to see her go through that again.

When Olivia finally finished writing, they had been travelling for nearly three hours. Alex was staring out the window, a blank expression on her face. Olivia handed the notepad to the Agent sitting in the front seat before turning to the blonde.

"Hey," she said softly.

She quickly looked over, smiling gently when she met Olivia's eyes.

"Hey. You finished writing?"

Olivia nodded.

"I hope he can forgive me."

"There is nothing to forgive, Alex. None of this is your doing."

"I just don't want him to hate me for taking away his partner and his best friend."

"He isn't going to hate you, Alex. He knows this is my choice. Besides, he's going to work harder now because he's got two people to bring home."

Alex smiled weakly, but the emotion wasn't there. She was feeling very, very guilty. Olivia sensed it, so she unbuckled her seatbelt and slid over. She pulled Alex into a comforting hug.

"I'm so happy to be coming with you."

Alex snuggled into her, resting her head on her shoulder.

"I feel overwhelmed," she whispered. "I'm so happy you're with me, but I feel really guilty. And I'm worried you're going to regret it."

"You're thinking too much, Alex. I know you can't help it, but I'm an adult, and it is my decision. This is what I want. I want to be here. I know it's not going to be easy and I know it's going to be a huge adjustment. I know we won't always get along and that it's going to be a very trying time, but we are in this together and that's all that matters. This is where I want to be."

Alex squeezed her hard in response.

"I'm so happy you're with me, Liv."

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be."

Alex fought the tears of relief that threatened to fall. She was so relieved to know that she wasn't going to be alone and that she would be with Olivia. She felt so safe with her. She knew that there was nothing to worry about as long as the woman was with her.

They drove non-stop for an additional three hours, until they ended up at a gas station. They were forced to change vehicles, where they were assigned new drivers, and continued on for another 8 hours before repeating the process. Their first driver assured Olivia that he would give Hammond the notes and letter. Then, he told the women that they would change vehicles several times before arriving at their destination. He didn't know where they were going and none of the drivers knew who they were bringing. They had simply been told to bring the women to a certain point, where they changed vehicles and took off with their new drivers.

In total, the women travelled for nearly thirty hours before being brought to a small cottage in a remote town in Wyoming. It was nearly 3 am New York time (1 am in Wyoming) and, despite having hardly slept for the past day and a half, Olivia found herself wide awake. She gently shook Alex, who was resting against her, and told her they had arrived at their destination.

The blonde immediately sat up and looked around, momentarily confused at what was going on. Then it all came flooding back and she sighed.

"Okay."

Olivia unbuckled her seatbelt and slid out, helping Alex out and then closing the door. She followed Alex, who was walking behind the Marshals, as they made their way to the front door. As Olivia approached the house, she noticed that directly behind it was what looked like a sizable lake. If she hadn't been so overwhelmed, she probably would have noticed how beautiful it looked. They entered the house, but before she could look around, one of the men began talking.

"You're on a pretty remote stretch of land in a city with a population of about 230 residents, mostly retired seniors. The keys to your house are on the kitchen table, as are the portfolios to your new identities. I'm not going to go into details now because it's late, but tomorrow when you wake up, we will be here to inform you of what you need to know."

When he stopped talking, Olivia looked around, suddenly feeling like she had no idea what to do. Alex thanked the man and asked where the bedrooms were.

"They're upstairs. There are three to choose from. I'm going to stay here with Agent Thomas to keep watch until you wake up tomorrow. I suggest you ladies get some sleep. There are a few pieces of clothing upstairs that you can use for now until you get the chance to buy new ones."

Olivia nodded, not sure what else to do.

"Come on, Liv."

Alex led the way upstairs, looking into the first bedroom. She decided that lime green wasn't her colour and chose the next room, which had soft yellow walls. It seemed inviting enough, so she opened the door wide and walked inside.

Olivia followed her and stood by the window. It was starting to really hit her now that she was here. Her life was going to completely change tomorrow. She would no longer be Olivia Benson. Alex would no longer be Alexandra Cabot. Would she still be allowed to call her Alex when they were at home, alone? What would she do now for work? It didn't seem like there was a whole lot in this town…

"Stop thinking, Liv. We will sort it out in the morning."

Olivia scratched the back of her head.

"I know. I don't know that I'll be able to sleep though."

"I know it's overwhelming…"

Olivia nodded, a faint smile forming on her face.

"A little bit. But it'll be something new. I've always wanted a dog. Maybe we can get one here."

Alex smiled at her. Of all the things Olivia could have thought of about their new place, she mentioned a dog.

"We can get a dog if that's what you really want."

Olivia grinned.

"Okay," she said happily. After a pause, she asked Alex if she'd be able to sleep tonight.

"I think so. It'll be strange to wake up here, but I think I'll be okay."

"Okay. I'm gonna take the bedroom across the hall and I'll leave the door open, so if you need anything, just come and find me, okay?"

Alex was a little disappointed that the woman wasn't planning on sharing a bed with her, but she didn't say anything. After all, Olivia was here with her and really that was all that mattered.

"Thanks, Liv. For everything. I can't even…I can't begin to tell you what this means to me."

"There is no thanking me, Alex. This is where I should be. Sleep tight tonight."

"Thanks. You too."

With that, Olivia turned and headed for her bedroom.


	3. Chapter 3

Olivia had only managed to get five hours of sleep before she woke up for the day. She opened her eyes and had to blink a few times, looking around the room, before she remembered what had happened. Her momentary confusion over, she rolled out of bed and padded out to the hallway. She glanced into the room across the hall, where she saw Alex sleeping soundly in her bed. She gently closed her door and headed downstairs, where she saw the same two Agents from last night sitting on the couch.

"Hey."

"Detective. You're up early."

"Yeah. There's no way that I'm gonna be able to fall back asleep now that I'm up. There's too many questions that need to be answered."

Agent Thomas nodded at her.

"I understand. You would like to see your file," he stated.

"Yes."

Thomas led the way to the kitchen table and picked up a file, handing it to Olivia.

"Here. Your cards will take longer to arrive due to the circumstances. There wasn't enough time to produce them. Your story is there, along with all of your history and background, but the cards and I.D. will take a few days."

"Thanks."

Olivia took the file and sat at the opposite end of the table, taking a deep breath before opening it. She saw the name CAMERON COOPER written in bold letters across the top of the page.

"My name is Cameron Cooper?"

Thomas nodded, handing her a cup of coffee and the box of muffins he had picked up earlier. Olivia thanked him and reflected for a moment. _Well, it's not a horrible name_. She continued reading on, trying to focus on the fact that she was reading about her new life and not someone else's.

CAMERON COOPER

_BORN: July 22__nd__, 1968._ That made her two years younger than her actual age. That was good news, at least she wasn't older. And, she had always wanted a birthday in the summer…She scanned the document. It was broken up into different sections: family, background, education. She decided to just read the most important parts. There was no way she'd retain everything right now anyways.

_Born and raised in Kentucky, one younger sister named Clara. Parents are both deceased. Father was Caucasian American, mother was Mexican. No children. No nieces or nephews. Studied IT and justice in college. Moved to Maine after college to work as a correctional officer at a women's prison, then moved on to become an IT agent in a newspaper facility. Newspaper facility closed. Now a staff member of the youth facility in the neighbouring county, working in the horticultural therapy program. _

Wait a minute. Olivia looked up.

"I don't know anything about gardening or being a therapist for troubled youth."

"Don't worry about that. You'll be given training over the next few weeks, and you won't be running the program alone. Mr. Jones, the man who is running it now, will finish off the year with you and then next year you will run it alone."

Olivia paused. _Next year._ She hadn't really thought about it. Was she really going to still be here next year?

She put the file down and glanced around the kitchen. So this was her new life. She could really still be here next year. Or the year after. Or maybe even for the next ten years. She could feel herself starting to panic. She pushed the chair back with the intention of getting up and going…she didn't know where. But she had to get out.

"Hi."

Olivia looked over at the source of the familiar voice, her body instantly relaxing when she saw her.

"Alex," she whispered.

She immediately made her way over, engulfing the woman in a tight embrace. As soon as their bodies connected, Olivia felt a wave of relief and calm wash over her. _This_ is why she was here. _This_ is why she was starting over. Suddenly, it didn't seem so scary.

Alex hugged her back hard, only letting go when the other woman started pulling away. She pulled back enough to get a good look at Olivia. The brunette tucked a stray strand of blonde hair behind her ear and smiled at her. God, Alex could definitely get used to seeing this face every morning.

"Hey," Olivia finally responded. "How did you sleep?"

"I slept well, but I was pretty confused when I woke up."

"Me too."

"Have you been up a while?"

Olivia looked at the clock.

"About half an hour or so," she said, finally letting go of the other woman.

She watched as Alex sat down at the table near the files. Olivia made her way to the cupboard and grabbed a mug, then poured Alex a cup of coffee.

"Valerie Porter," Alex announced, holding up a file. "My name is Valerie. What's yours?"

"Cameron Cooper," she responded, placing Alex's coffee next to her on the table. She grabbed the nearest chair and pulled it over to where Alex was sitting so that she could look over her file as well.

"Cam," Alex repeated. "It's not as nice as your name, but I like it."

"Do I look like a Cam?"

Alex looked her over.

"Maybe after a haircut. You need one."

Olivia laughed.

"Do I now?"

"Yes. It's too long."

Alex really missed Olivia's old haircut. She liked the way the woman's bangs would fall across her forehead when Olivia ran her fingers through her hair. She also liked the way the brunette spiked it into a messy 'do. Now, it was long enough to be tucked behind her ears and a shade or two lighter than normal.

"Alright. I'll get it cut."

"And don't dye it. I like it dark."

"Any other requests?" Olivia asked, a hint of humour in her voice.

Alex grinned mischievously but kept her thoughts to herself. Instead, she glanced back down at her file and began reading.

"Valerie Porter, born on December 13th, 1971," Alex looked up at Olivia. "Hey I'm a year younger."

"Me too. Two years younger actually."

"You're still two years older than I am," Alex teased, nudging her with her shoulder.

Olivia chuckled.

"Yeah, yeah."

"Only child of Meredith and Ryan Porter. Meredith died three years ago and I'm estranged from my father. No family to speak of. I have a background in literature and I'm a librarian assistant at the Little Current library," Alex stopped reading and looked over and Olivia. "I guess that's not so bad. Better than working at the insurance agency. That was mind numbingly boring. Where are you working?"

"At the youth centre," Olivia looked over at the file in Alex's hands. "We'll be working in the same county actually."

Alex smiled at her, staring for a second longer than normal.

"I've missed you."

Olivia felt the blush creeping up her cheeks again.

"I've missed you too, Alex. A lot."

The blonde reached out and cupped her cheek, smoothing her thumb over Olivia's skin.

"I've missed seeing you every day. I can't believe you're here with me. I was thinking I'd have to restart all of this over by myself. I never thought…" she trailed off.

Olivia reached up and grabbed her hand, giving it an affectionate squeeze.

"I'm not going anywhere," she said softly.

They looked at each other, not daring to say anything lest it break the moment. Olivia looked into Alex eyes, searching them. She saw that same sadness she had seen in the hotel room, but with it, she saw something else. Something she hadn't seen in a very long time. Something that made her heart beat just a little bit faster. Something that made her hope that maybe things hadn't at all changed in the year they spent apart.

Alex knew that Olivia was reading her, so she gently slipped her hand away and turned. She wasn't ready to confess everything that she was feeling because it was just too soon. She was still riding an inner roller coaster. She was incredibly happy that Olivia was with her, but she couldn't help thinking of the heavy conversations ahead of them regarding their relationship, their time apart, their fears... She wasn't ready to deal with all of that, so she turned back to her file and continued reading.

"I was born and raised in Maine and my parents are both Caucasian American. They met while working at the same newspaper factory. I moved to Wyoming because the newspaper I worked for went out of business. I live with my friend Cameron Cooper who worked at the same newspaper as I did until it went out of business. Then I went back to school to study to be a librarian in the hopes of finding work."

Alex looked over her various pieces of I.D. before looking back at Olivia.

"Seems a bit suspicious that we would both move here together, doesn't it?"

"No. It seems pretty gay actually."

Olivia said the comment with such a straight face that Alex could not hold in her laugh.

"No, seriously. I think Val and Cam might be into each other. Big ole lesbians if you ask me."

When Alex laughed louder, Olivia could not fight it anymore and joined her. The women sat at the table, laughing, when Agent Thomas entered the room.

"I'm glad to see the mood has lightened at least a little bit."

Olivia chuckled, smiling at Alex.

"Yeah."

"Did you want some more time to yourselves or are you ready to go over some of the details?"

Alex shrugged at Olivia.

"Might as well get it over with."

Olivia nodded in agreement.

"Okay," Thomas started. "You're in a town called Burgus, Wyoming. There are just over 500 people living in this town and like I said yesterday, they're all mostly retired senior citizens. It is highly unlikely you will be recognised here, but even still, you should at least try to alter your appearance a little: haircut, change of colour, glasses…

The town you're working in is called Little Current and has a population of about 10 000 people. Valerie, you will work right in the centre of downtown at The Little Current Public Library; you'll be starting Friday. You'll do a day of training on the computer before you start training within the library. A man named Reg will be there to guide you.

Cameron, you'll work just on the outskirts of town, at the Youth Centre, and will be starting Thursday. You will be starting one-on-one sessions with the old Horticultural Therapist at the end of this week," he paused when he saw Olivia raise her eyebrows. "I know that seems a bit fast, but trust me, you will be needing a distraction after a few days of getting adjusted. Miss Porter is already familiar with the process, but it's important that you start getting used to your new life as soon as possible. It will make the transition easier. You should start referring to one another as Valerie and Cameron immediately so that you become more comfortable with the names. If you do happen to make a mistake and refer to each other by your old names, just correct yourself and move on. Don't draw attention to it.

So, Cameron. You will be starting with the current therapist, Mr. Jones, who thinks that you are transferring from the newspaper facility in Maine. He is aware of your background at the women's correctional facility and believes that this will help you in your new role as a fulltime staff member at the Youth Centre. You will be working with troubled youth, but it is a low security facility so most of the students there are in need of some discipline, guidance, and someone who cares. You'll be using gardening as a tool to help build confidence, as an alternative way to express themselves, and to give them something to care for. Mr. Jones will inform you further about the subject. We were really lucky to find this job for you, considering how last minute everything was. They have been looking for someone for a while and are looking forward to meeting you.

If these jobs don't suit you or you find that you are unhappy, you're more than welcome to seek out other work. Are you following me okay so far?"

Alex nodded, but Olivia took a deep breath.

"It's just a lot of information at once. I feel like I'm getting a headache."

"It's overwhelming, I know, but it's because you're getting this all at once. Once you've had some time to digest, it won't seem so overwhelming. Do you want to take a break and continue later?"

Olivia shook her head.

"No. Let's continue now."

"Okay. This house is yours; you are free to redecorate, renovate, or change it as you see fit. The bills will be coming in under Valerie's name as we had this all set up before we knew you were coming, Cameron. There will be a heat, electric, and water bill coming in as one bill. There is also a television and internet bill that will come in in three weeks' time. You can choose whether or not to keep that service, but as of right now, you have both. The code and password are written on the router. You two can decide how to split the bills and whether or not to add your name to the mortgage, Cameron. Between the two of you, you'll have no problem paying the mortgage at the end of the month. We had originally picked this one out with the impression that Valerie would be paying it alone with only her wages, so it be will easy to pay it between the two of you.

There's only one vehicle, but we can arrange to have a second one if you decide you need it. I'll be checking in this week and then again next week to see how things are going. You'll be able to tell me what your needs are during these visits. After that, I'll be checking in in two weeks time, and then every month or two for the first six months. After the first six months have passed, I won't check in again for six months. After that, it'll be once a year, just to make sure everything is alright.

These are your new lives. It's up to you to fill in the gaps and create new memories. We strongly suggest you develop new hobbies, separate from the ones you had in New York. It's important that you separate yourself from that life. You are not permitted to contact anyone, at all, from your old life. Do not make any online profiles, such as a Facebook account, even with your new identities. Do not go on online dating sites. Don't post your picture online, anywhere, because you could be seen. Do not let yourself be interviewed on television. Keep yourself out of the media at all times. You can go out to the mall, to sporting events, just as long as you are keeping a low profile.

I left my number on the fridge, but I want you to memorise it and then get rid of the paper. Don't write anything down or buy anything that could link you to your old life. You are now Cameron and you are now Valerie. You are no longer Olivia or Alex. It is extremely important that you follow these rules.

You may take vacations, but you will have to inform me of when you are leaving, where you are going, and when you will be back. It's not advised that you travel anywhere outside this town or the neighbouring county for at least another few months, until the heat dies down at least a little bit. Even then, we will advise you not to go to any popular tourist destinations. You won't be allowed to leave the country for at least a year, if not longer. Our goal is to keep you safe, and you will be safe if you lay low in this town."

Thomas continued talking for another little while, but Olivia had stopped listening. Her brain was on overload. She wasn't concerned about missing anything because Alex was here, so she tuned him out when she started getting overwhelmed. She watched the man patiently, and when he finished, she felt relieved. She definitely had a pounding headache and she needed some fresh air.

"I need a walk."

She pushed away from the table and made her way out the back door onto the porch. She paused on the edge of the steps, looking out at the water. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, the wind blowing against her face. It was calming, peaceful, and it was exactly what she needed after being faced with that onslaught of information.

She opened her eyes when she heard the door creak open, not bothering to look. She already knew who it was.

"Hey," the blonde whispered.

"Hi," Olivia responded.

"I, um, I told the Agents that they could leave. There's no sense in staying anymore. They'll be back to check up on us, but until then, it's just us."

Olivia said nothing, listening to Alex's voice and to the sound of the Agents' car pulling out of the driveway. When both quieted, there was nothing else to listen to but the sounds of the birds on the water.

Alex stood next to Olivia, nervous. She didn't like how quiet the other woman was being. It was unnerving. Olivia noticed Alex playing with her necklace and reached out, pulling her close. She knew Alex did that when she was worried.

"It's okay, honey. I'm okay. I'm just…it's a lot to take in. It's kind of scary to be honest."

Alex nodded against her chest.

"I know."

_Of course you would know._ "Shit, Alex. I'm sorry. You went through this and you were all alone." Olivia felt like an ass. Here she was focusing on herself and how difficult this was going to be, but she had someone familiar with her, someone safe. She wasn't having to do this after experiencing a terrifying trauma, alone. She was suddenly ridden with guilt.

"Don't apologise. I get it. I was terrified the first time I did this. I understand you're overwhelmed. I am too. I'm just…less scared because I know what's coming, but also because you're here. It's not as bad when you have someone here with you to act as an anchor. I know it's scary and overwhelming right now, but I promise you that it does get easier. And if it becomes too much for you at times, I'll always be here to come to."

Olivia kissed her temple and held her close. Alex sighed contently, wrapping her arms around Olivia's waist. When she felt the woman's lips press against her head, she felt her body fill with warmth. It had been so long since they had been like this, since she had gotten to experience Olivia's affection. She had missed it, craved it, and she was incredibly happy to finally have it back.

"Thanks," Olivia whispered against her hair. She rubbed her back gently, looking out at the view. "It is beautiful here."

Alex turned in her arms and looked out onto the water. It really was beautiful, but it was nothing compared to the way Olivia's arms felt wrapped around her. She had missed this woman so much and now she was here. Finally.

Olivia slid her hands away from Alex's stomach and up to her arms, rubbing them gently.

"Do you want to take a walk?" she asked.

"I'd love to."

Since there was a stone path leading down the backyard, they didn't bother with grabbing any shoes. They walked down to their dock and then hopped down onto the sandy part of the beach.

"There are seashells," Alex said, a smile in her voice. "I love seashells."

Olivia looked down. An abundance of seashells were scattered in the sand and water.

"You'll be able to start quite a collection."

"Would you let me decorate the living room with these?" Alex asked, holding up various different shells.

Olivia raised her eyebrows, clearly not very enthusiastic at the idea. "Depends how tacky you went. You don't exactly have the best taste in decorating…" she teased.

Alex laughed and threw one at her. They both knew that wasn't true. Olivia was the one who had a terrible time decorating.

"Rude…" she muttered, smiling. She walked alongside Olivia, looking down at the sand to spot any nice shells.

"This is such a change from New York," Olivia observed. "Was Wisconsin anything like this?"

"No, at least not where I was at. It was really cold and it was nothing but trees or flatland. I hated every minute of Wisconsin, but probably because of the circumstances. This is much better."

"I'll say. We have a lake in our backyard. Maybe I can get a boating license and we can go fishing. Do you like to fish?"

"I don't know. I've never been."

"Never?"

Alex shook her head.

"Then I'll definitely get a boat so that we can go fishing."

"Okay."

They walked next to one another in silence. Olivia looked around, noting that their nearest neighbour was at least another half a mile away. At least they had plenty of privacy. She glanced over at Alex.

"I don't think I'll ever get used to calling you Valerie."

The blonde smiled.

"I know. It's going to take me a long time to switch to Cam as well. I like the name though. I think it could suit you, once you get your hair cut."

Olivia chuckled.

"Maybe we can do that tomorrow. I get the feeling you're itching to have it done."

Alex grinned at her.

"I am. The last time I saw you…it's just that when I picture you in my mind, you have short hair. It's dark, not light, and there were no blond highlights."

"Yeah? What else do you picture?"

Alex paused, smiling.

"Big muscles, especially in your arms. You used to work out. I remember."

Olivia grinned.

"You noticed that, did you?"

"Yes. Of course I did. I noticed the way you flexed your arms when we were sitting on your couch talking. You'd lean your arm against the back of the couch, rest your head on your hand, and you'd flex your muscles while we were chatting. Don't tell me you didn't do that on purpose."

Olivia's face turned beet red. She bit her lower lip and looked out at the water, a smile on her lips. Alex laughed in response.

"Busted," she said.

Olivia chuckled.

"Yeah, okay. Maybe I did that a little."

Alex laughed. "A little?"

Olivia smiled, embarrassed. She might have done it, but Alex looked each and every time…

"Do you want to head back?" the blonde asked.

"Might as well. We should get familiarised with the house. I don't even know how many bathrooms there are."

"There are two," Alex stated. "One upstairs and one on the main floor."

"How do you know?"

"I noticed yesterday."

Olivia raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"Wow."

"I think I'm a little less overwhelmed than you are so I've been able to pay a bit more attention."

"What else have you noticed?"

"The house is pretty outdated and in need of some remodeling. The kitchen countertop has got to go. Who the hell chooses pink tiles?"

Olivia laughed. Now _that_ she had noticed.

"Describe the house to me," Olivia requested. She could see it herself, but it was nice to hear Alex's voice. She had gone too long without hearing it.

"There are three bedrooms upstairs and one bathroom. There's a closet at the end of the hall with a bunch of shelves, so I'm thinking that will probably hold our linen and bath towels. The bathroom itself it pretty small, but it has a stackable washer and dryer which will be great. I won't have to lug our laundry up and down the stairs. There's a bathroom downstairs off the hallway between the kitchen and the sitting room. And there's a pantry just off of the kitchen which I think will be useful since there isn't that much cupboard space. I'm not sure how big it is though since I haven't opened it. Then there's the living room which is a bit small, but it's pretty nice."

"You really did pay attention to the layout."

Alex nodded.

"What were you thinking you wanted redone in the house?"

Alex shrugged.

"I don't know."

Olivia led the way up the footpath to the house. She opened the back door for the woman and followed her inside.

"You do know. Look around. What have you been thinking needs changing?"

Alex bit her lip, smiling. She _had_ been thinking… from the minute she walked into this place.

"Alright. Well, the countertop has to go. And I'd like to refinish the cupboards because they are a terrible colour. And those handles have got to go. I'd like to repaint the living room and that green bedroom upstairs needs to be repainted. I'd like to rip out the carpet on the staircase too. I hate it. And I'd love to repaint the deck at some point too."

Olivia raised her eyebrows.

"That is a ton of work. That deck wraps around most of the house."

Alex flashed her a big smile.

"Good thing we need projects to keep us busy."

"You're not fooling anyone, Cabot. I know those little projects you have lined up are for me."

"I can't help it if you're the handy one. You're so good at it."

Olivia chuckled and shook her head, smiling.

"Stop trying to flatter me into getting your way. You know you're gonna get it regardless."

Alex grinned at her.

"That's why I like this arrangement," she said, leading the way to the staircase. "Now come on. Let's see what we've got for clothing and towels. We're going to have to start a list of things we need when we go shopping tomorrow."

Olivia let her head fall back and groaned.

"I can't wait," she said flatly, dragging her feet behind Alex.

* * *

><p>I hope you enjoyed :) It was nice to have you as a reader !<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

It hadn't taken long for the women to go through the closets and realise that there really wasn't much of anything. They had a few tops between them and only two pairs of pants, besides the ones they were currently wearing.

The hallway closet had a few towels, face cloths, shampoo, conditioner, and a couple other items they would need, but for the most part, the women had to start from scratch.

"Is this how it was for you the first time?" Olivia asked as they returned downstairs, joining Alex on the couch. "Needing to buy everything?"

Alex shook her head.

"No. They had bought everything for me, right down to my underwear. I hated it. I was already away from everyone I loved, from everything I knew, and then I didn't even get to choose my own clothing, my own shampoo. This time, I told them to get the basic necessities and that I would get the rest. At least they chose decent furniture this time," she said, running her fingers over the soft material of the couch. "Last time I had this God awful burnt orange couch. I have no idea who the hell chose it, but they should be fired."

Olivia laughed.

"How are you doing with all of this?" Alex asked, looking at her.

"It's…kind of surreal? I don't really believe this is happening. I…I can't believe I'm sitting next to you."

"I know what you mean," she said, looking over at her. She hesitated before reaching out. Olivia smiled widely and took her hand, fiddling with it in her lap. The brunette had dreamed of having Alex with her again for so long, and now that she was here, she was at a loss as to how to proceed. They needed to talk, she knew that, but she didn't feel ready for that just yet. She was still too busy simply enjoying being with Alex, in her presence. Even if she wasn't holding her as she so deeply wanted, she was happy to just be with the other woman.

She intertwined their fingers, giving Alex's hand an affectionate squeeze. It felt so good to be holding the woman's hand again.

"How do you feel about what lies ahead? With work, living here…"

"It feels like a dream still. It hasn't sunk in."

"I understand that. That's how it felt the first time around. It took me months to finally realise that this new place, new job, was my life."

"What about this time around?"

Alex reflected.

"It feels kind of like before and yet vastly different. I can't really explain it. It feels awful that I have to restart all over again in a new house, new job, trying to fit into a life that I don't really want, but at the same time, it's completely different because I had some choice this time. I had some control and I know what to expect. I'm not as blind as I was last time."

She hesitated momentarily.

"…And this time, I have something I longed for so bad the first time around," she added, looking directly at Olivia.

The brunette smiled and gave her hand another affectionate squeeze.

"It feels like a dream, your being here. I fully expected to be by myself when I returned to the WPP. I never would have dreamed you'd come with me. I feel guilty and I'm scared that you're going to resent me, that you're going to see that this was a terrible idea and that you never should have come."

Alex looked away after finally voicing the worries that had been eating away at her. She was afraid to look into Olivia's eyes for fear of seeing something she so desperately feared: Olivia's regret. Alex was so scared to hope, scared to let herself be happy that the brunette had come with her, because she had had stupid hopes before and they had done nothing but blow up in her face. She never let herself get her hopes up about anything anymore. She had complete control over her emotions and that's how she liked it. That is, until it came to Olivia. She struggled fiercely to hide her emotions regarding the brunette, but it was useless. Olivia could almost always see through her. She was therefore not surprised when she felt Olivia tug on her hand and pull her closer.

"I'm really worried about it," Alex confessed in a whisper. "I missed you so much. I can't believe you're here. I want you here so bad…but I feel so selfish, knowing what you're going to go through. Knowing how you'll struggle and miss life back home. I'm so afraid you'll regret this," she finished, her voice cracking.

Olivia wrapped her arm around her shoulder and kissed the side of her head. She remained silent for a minute, collecting her thoughts before responding.

"I have missed you every single day since the moment you left, Alex. Every single day, I regretted not coming with you, not insisting that I join you. It will be the single biggest regret of my life, but I was in shock that night. I was overwhelmed by my emotions when I finally saw you. I had been given the single most devastating news of my life: my best friend, my girlfriend, my life had been taken away from me," Olivia fought the tears that threatened to fall when she remembered that moment.

"I had barely processed the news, barely really understood what had happened, when there you were: alive. I couldn't believe it. Then I find out you're being placed in the WPP and before I could even register what was happening, you were gone. I just let you _leave_," she said, her voice full of disgust for her inaction, "and that's something I will never forgive myself for.

Every day after that I thought_, is she okay? What is she doing? Is she scared? I wish I could call her. I want to hold her. I need to be with her_. I was drowning in regret and hurt, and it was hell just trying to get up in the morning. The more that time passed, the more I began to think that maybe you were settling into your new life and that you were happy, that you wouldn't need me. I hoped that you were doing better, that you were happy, because I couldn't bear the thought that you were alone and unhappy like I was. It got to the point where I couldn't do it anymore, so I pushed back everything I thought, everything I felt. I went through the motions every day, just trying to…survive until the day I could see you again.

Then this case started, and it just brought back all the old memories. I was reminded of how much I missed you, how much I needed you. I never really forgot, but I hadn't allowed myself to think about it in so long that it was almost like forgetting, if that makes sense. And then one day, you were suddenly before me, in Casey's office, and I was so shocked I could barely breathe. When it finally hit me that you were standing next to me, once I smelled you… God, had I ever missed that smell… it took every single ounce of restraint I had not to throw myself at you and never let go. But I didn't know how you felt…you seemed distant."

Olivia paused as she reflected. Alex had been very distant with her. She could read the blonde like a book and she had been able to tell immediately that the blonde had all her guards up. It had hurt, and she had kept her distance.

"I was confused too," Alex said, interrupting her thoughts. "I didn't know where I stood with you anymore. I had prepared myself to see you, you know. Well, or so I thought. I thought I had fooled myself into believing I could see you and not react. I was so wrong. Everything came flooding back…You made my heart stop," she paused, smiling sadly, "but I couldn't show how I felt because we weren't alone and because I didn't know how you felt.

In the hotel room, with Elliot, I kept thinking, I love you, El, but you're not the one I want to see right now. I was so scared and nervous that you were coming, but I wanted to see you. While he and I were playing backgammon, honestly, I was hardly present and I wasn't very enthusiastic. I was so distracted that I couldn't concentrate. I kept thinking of you and how I was going to tell you how much I missed, how much I needed you. I thought about all the things I wanted to say to you. And then you showed up and…I lost my nerve. I didn't want you to know how much I missed you. I didn't let myself give into the hope that you wanted me just as much as I wanted you. I needed you, and that left me so vulnerable. I was scared. I was afraid you'd reject me. So I made it seem like I was moving on with my life. I lied to you. It killed me to lie to you, to make you believe such an ugly lie, but I was scared. I was a coward."

Alex shifted so that she was looking at Olivia.

"I'm sorry I did that, Olivia, I should have known better. I shouldn't have let my fear get to me, but I did. And I know we can't just pick up where we left off, but I want you to know that there was no one else. Not even a hint of anything else. I honestly didn't even really have any friends."

Olivia gave her a small smile.

"I understand why you did it, Alex. I know it's hard for you to be vulnerable like that. I'm not going to lie and say that it didn't really hurt, but I'm really glad it was a lie and that you missed me too. I'm not glad to hear you weren't able to make friends though," she said softly, stroking the blonde's cheek.

"I missed you every day," Alex answered, resting her head on Olivia's shoulder.

The brunette shifted and took Alex's hand, intertwining their fingers once again.

"What I felt about not coming with you, Alex, it went beyond regret. It overwhelmed my life; it consumed me. I wouldn't have been able to overcome it this time if I hadn't joined you. When they told me you were leaving, I panicked. I knew I had to see you. And when you confirmed that it was true, that you were going back into the WPP, there was no decision to be made. I was coming with you come hell or high water.

I can't live another day with the "what ifs" or wondering if you're okay. I needed to be here with you. I'll never have to wonder now. I'll know. I know I can keep you safe and if I want to see you, I can. You're right here. And that… I have no words to describe how incredibly elated and relieved that makes me feel."

Alex paused as she absorbed Olivia's words.

"It's just so hard for me to accept that you would give up your entire life…How could you not regret this?"

"You _were _my entire life, Alex. You had been my entire life for over a year before you got taken away. I saw you every day either at work or at night when we hung out, and then we were together every single weekend. You were the first person I called when something happened at work, the first person I texted in the morning, and the last person I spoke to before I went to sleep. When we weren't together, I was thinking about what we could do together. And then when we started seeing each other, my life was complete. It could not have gotten any better. The feelings I'd been hiding for so long, I could now be honest about them. I could show you affection like I wanted to. And the best part was that you felt the same way. I was on Cloud 9 with you in my life."

Alex was still smiling after Olivia finished talking.

"I was so happy. You made me feel so giddy. It was the first time in a long time that I felt comfortable enough with someone to let them get that close," the blonde confessed. "You were so patient with me and that's exactly what I needed."

"I know it's not easy for you to open up, Alex. I treasure every time that you do."

Alex didn't say anything else. She simply rested against Olivia's shoulder and closed her eyes, enjoying the contact with the other woman. She had missed this… They sat in silence for a long while, simply enjoying their closeness. It had been far too long since they had done this.

"Did you want to do anything else today?"

Alex shook her head.

"I honestly just want to sit with you."

Olivia felt her insides warm.

"Okay," she said softly.

Olivia held Alex close, only pulling away to grab the remote and turn on a tv show. It didn't take long for Alex to fall asleep, her head resting against Olivia's chest. She had been listening to the sound of the woman's heart beating, and the gentle, soothing sound had lulled her into a peaceful sleep.

Olivia looked down and watched Alex sleeping peacefully against her, a wave of affection washing over her. She had missed her so much. She had ached for her so badly and now she was here, in her arms, where she belonged. She had missed saying her name, touching her skin, seeing her face. She had missed the way she would walk in a room and instantly know that Alex had just been there because she could still faintly smell her perfume. She missed the way the blonde fussed over her, cleaning Olivia's apartment and insisting that she get some sleep after a long shift. Alex took care of her, in a way that Olivia had never allowed anyone else to.

She kissed Alex's temple and stroked her hair out of her face, loving the way her stomach tightened with affection every time she saw the blonde. This woman brought out every gentle, loving, nurturing bone in her body. She wanted nothing more than to hold her in her arms and love her, protect her. She could never regret coming here. Not when here meant being with Alex.

Olivia snuggled down into the couch, deciding to give into her body's desire for sleep. She shifted and wrapped her arm more snugly around Alex's waist before leaning her cheek against the top of the blonde's head and drifting off.


	5. Chapter 5

When she woke up, Olivia found herself still snuggled against Alex. She smiled to herself and pulled away a little to get a look at the blonde. The woman was passed out, sleeping just as soundly as earlier. She kissed her temple and began running her fingers through her hair, reaching for the remote and turning on The Simpsons. She watched contently in silence, until the show caused her to laugh.

Alex gave a slight gasp and pulled away slightly, looking around in confusion until she saw Olivia. When she saw the brunette, she calmed significantly, suddenly remembering where she was. Olivia, for her part, smiled through the butterflies flapping wildly in her stomach at the loving look Alex gave her when their eyes locked. _God, she's beautiful._

Olivia resisted the urge to reach out and cup Alex's cheek, instead choosing to clear her throat and apologise for scaring the blonde. She did feel bad about that.

"Sorry," Olivia said softly, a small twinge of guilt eating away at her. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's okay," Alex responded, resettling back against her. "I just forgot where I was for a minute."

Olivia nodded in understanding.

"I can't believe we fell asleep," the blonde said, glancing at the time. It was nearly five. "We slept a while."

"Yeah. Did you sleep well?" Olivia asked.

"I did. That's the first time in a long time that I've slept that hard. It feels good."

Olivia down smiled at her, stroking her fingers through her hair. She didn't want to move from this position. She had missed this, simply sitting with Alex.

"You must be hungry."

Olivia chuckled.

"A little. I haven't lost my appetite in the year you've been gone."

"Good. I would like some things to remain the same."

"I haven't changed much."

"Yes, you have. You're thinner. You look older. Your hair, your clothing…it's different too."

"Bad different?"

"No," she said carefully. "Just different."

"Do you miss my old style?" Olivia asked.

"Maybe."

"Did you like it better?"

"I did. You looked good in your old stuff."

"You're just saying that because you picked it all out," Olivia teased, eliciting a smile from the blonde.

Her style had changed slightly since Alex left. She had stopped caring what she was wearing because there was no one to look nice for. She had taken to just slapping on whatever was comfortable. Alex had picked out a good portion of her new wardrobe and it hurt to look at those things, let alone wear them, because they reminded her so much of the blonde, so she had started wearing her old clothing, things that had remained buried in her closet for a reason.

"Okay well, when we go shopping, I'll make sure to pick up a few things that resemble the stuff you picked. Do you have any requests?"

Alex nodded eagerly.

"Muscle shirts. And a leather jacket. Sunglasses. Open collared shirts that button down so you can see your muscle shirt underneath. Open blouses with a shirt underneath. Black slacks. You need a belt too."

Olivia was grinning by the time Alex finished talking.

"Sounds like you've got it all figured out."

"I've had a long time to think about the things I missed you wearing. I'm glad you're still wearing your earrings and that necklace though. I liked those."

Olivia touched the golden necklace around her throat.

"I never take it off."

It had been a present from Alex when they had first started seeing each other. When they met again in Casey's office, Alex had noticed immediately that Olivia was still wearing it. It was nice to see something familiar on the detective, given that she looked so vastly different from when Alex had last seen her. Someone else might not have thought Olivia looked so different, but to Alex, who knew her so intimately, she looked remarkably different.

"Good. Do you have any special requests?"

Olivia smiled at her.

"Lots of blouses. Skirts. I really liked your red dress. Your summer dresses too. Those tight jeans, remember those? And those black boots," Olivia said, wiggling her eyebrows. "I miss your leggings, paired with those baggy dress sweater things that you used to wear when we were off duty. They were really nice on you." She refrained from telling her she looked "fucking hot" in them.

"My sweater dresses. I'll try to remember all of that."

"Good," Olivia said, suddenly growing quiet. Alex looked up at her when she stopped speaking, a questioning look on her face.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing. I'm just… It's nice to be talking like this again with you, teasing and just… having a nice conversation. I've missed this."

Alex nodded against her.

"I've missed it too. I never realised how lonely my life was until you weren't in it."

Olivia squeezed her around the waist, holding her tight. She kissed her temple and took a deep breath, inhaling the scent that was uniquely Alex. She felt her body warm when Alex buried her cheek deeper against her chest, stroking her fingertips against Olivia's lower back. Alex never felt safer than when she was being held by the detective. It was a welcome feeling, one she hadn't felt in so long that she had nearly forgotten what it was like.

Olivia held her close, unmoving, for a long time. She held her because she wanted the blonde to know, to remember that she was no longer alone. She held her until she was sure that Alex could feel that her protective instincts were once again around to keep Alex safe. She knew the blonde had been alone and scared for the past year, but that was over now. Olivia would kill any son of a bitch who got close enough to threaten her. It wouldn't be like last time. This time, she would protect her.

"Are you getting hungry?" Alex whispered.

Olivia glanced at the clock. It was approaching six, and she had to admit, she was starting to get hungry. However, she really didn't want to let go of Alex.

"Hmm?" Alex prodded.

Olivia sighed and nodded reluctantly. "I am, but I don't want to move from here. I like holding you."

Alex gave a soft smile.

"I like being held, but we should go eat. We can come back and do this some more after."

"Or we can just order pizza."

"We could, but…"

"But you feel like going out?" Olivia guessed. She was okay with that. If Alex wanted to get out of the house, she would go out.

"Would you mind?"

"Of course not. Let's go out to eat."

"Okay," Alex agreed.

The women got up and stretched, Olivia making her way to the kitchen to grab the keys from the kitchen table. She locked the back door and made her way to the entrance, where Alex was waiting for her.

"We probably don't even need to lock our doors but…"

Alex chuckled.

"Probably not."

Olivia walked over to the front door, but paused before opening it. Alex stopped behind her, a questioning look on her face. She watched as Olivia turned, and gave her this look…it took her breath away.

Olivia reached out and pulled Alex into her arms, wrapping her tight in her embrace. She buried her nose in her hair, bringing her face down into the crook of the woman's neck. Alex returned the hug, wrapping her arms tight around her back and holding her equally close.

"I missed you so much, Alex," Olivia whispered, her voice thick with emotion. "I love you, you know that? Fuck, I love you so much."

Tears sprang to Alex's eyes, a lump forming in her throat at Olivia's confession. It had been so long since she had heard those words. Too long.

"I love you too," she answered, her voice cracking under the strain of keeping the tears at bay.

She could hear the emotion in Olivia's voice, the sincerity, and it consumed her. She could feel the love in her voice, and it was such a welcoming feeling.

"I just look at you and I want to crush you to me. I never want to let you go," Olivia confessed. "I need to feel you here to know you're real, that you're safe," she whispered, her voice raw with emotion.

"I'm okay, baby. I'm safe."

Alex couldn't imagine what Olivia had lived through. Alex had gone a year with no news from the other woman, but she had at least known Olivia was safe in New York, with her friends. She knew she was okay, she was safe, and that there were people there to take care of her if something happened. But for Olivia, she had known nothing about Alex. The blonde couldn't imagine the emotional turmoil the woman had gone through because of that.

A wave of heat washed over when she felt Olivia's lips against her throat. She laid several gentle kisses against her skin, causing Alex's stomach to tighten. Olivia was always so gentle with her. She had missed this, missed the caring, affectionate person who offered her the kind of love she had only read about in fairy tales.

Olivia laid one final kiss at her throat before Alex gently pulled away enough to look into the woman's eyes. She saw tears pooled there, and it made Alex's heart break.

"Don't cry, baby," she whispered, resting her hand against her cheek.

Olivia closed her eyes and leaned against her hand, a tear slipping down her face. Alex wiped it away with her thumb, then gently guided the woman's head down until their lips met. Olivia let out a whimper at the contact, her whole body melting against Alex as she pressed their lips together. It had been sixteen unimaginably long months since she had felt Alex's velvety soft lips against her own, and they felt even better than she remembered.

The kiss was gentle, caressing, each woman pouring out all the emotions they had been unable to express for so long. Alex held Olivia's cheek with her hand, gently brushing her lips against Olivia's before pressing them forward. She reached her free hand out and placed it on Olivia's hip, drawing the woman closer. She moved her right hand up from Olivia's cheek into her hair, tangling her fingers in the woman's dark brown locks.

The brunette moaned when Alex pressed their hips together and began kissing her more insistently, pressing harder against her mouth and running her fingers along the blonde's lower back. Alex's stomach dropped when Olivia shifted their positions, turning her around so that she was pinned against the door. She moaned when Olivia's tongue swiped at her lips and the brunette took advantage of her open mouth, sliding her tongue inside.

She explored every inch of Alex's mouth, taking care to avoid Alex's tongue while she took her time remapping the familiar territory. Alex grunted and tugged on her hair in protest, wanting to feel Olivia's soft tongue against her own. It had been way too long, and she was tired of waiting. Olivia gave in and tilted her head, slowly stroking her tongue against the blonde's, loving the way Alex's knees buckled as she did. She moved her hips forward, pinning her to the door as she continued her slow torture.

Alex's head was spinning. Her mind was blank, void of anything but the woman against her and the arousal now overtaking her body. Olivia always kissed her this way, kissed her with such intensity that it left her unable to see, unable to think. The brunette consumed her, filled her every sense, until all she knew was this primal feeling.

Alex groaned loudly against her lips when she felt Olivia's hands make their way down to her hips, gripping them and pulling them against her own. She moaned her approval into the kiss, causing Olivia to respond eagerly, kissing her more deeply, hungrily. Alex buried her fingers deeper in her hair, scratching her scalp and gently tugging at Olivia's hair. She knew that got the brunette going, and when the woman gyrated her hips into her, Alex thought she would come on the spot.

Olivia continued to press her lips against the blonde's, her tongue stroking Alex's in a frenzy. She had missed the blonde so much, but she had needed her for longer. When the woman started tugging at her hair, she lost all control. Alex turned her on like no one else and she was determined to remind her of that fact. She yanked her impossibly closer, massaging her hips, her thighs, her ass. Her hands were roaming everywhere and from the sounds Alex was making, the blonde was just as turned on as she was.

Olivia brought her hands back to Alex's ass, gripping it firmly and yanking her up. The blonde immediately wrapped her legs around her waist, and when she looked down at Olivia, the brunette felt her stomach drop. Alex's hair fell down into her face, but it seemed to only intensify the arousal in her half-lidded eyes. God, she wanted her so bad.

Olivia pressed her against the door, the blonde leaning back down to crush their lips together. She gasped and moaned against Olivia's mouth when she felt the woman press her hip between her thighs. She rocked herself against the woman's body, groaning when Olivia used her hands to aid the motion. She had waited so long, fantasized for so many nights. She wanted this so bad, needed it even worse, but there was still a small part of her brain cautioning her. If they didn't stop soon though, the voice would disappear entirely. So, reluctantly, Alex slowly pulled away.

The brunette let out a small moan of disapproval when she felt Alex break the kiss and drop her head onto her shoulder. The brunette buried her head in her neck, breathing heavily against her skin. Alex was panting just as loudly, her eyes shut tight.

After a few seconds, the blonde groaned out: "Fuck."

Olivia let out a deep chuckled, sending a shiver down Alex's back. She could hear the arousal in the other woman's voice. Olivia slowly let Alex drop, purposefully moving her thigh so that as she let Alex down, she slid down against her thigh. The blonde closed her eyes and groaned, panting as she felt herself rub against Olivia's muscle. The brunette held her in place, making her feel every inch until she was in a standing position. Olivia kept her thigh in place, grinning to herself as she felt Alex pant against her. When the blonde was finally able to stand on her own, she opened her eyes and glared at the woman before her.

"That was a cruel trick."

Olivia grinned wickedly at her.

"Stop smiling like that, detective," she said.

The brunette wiggled her eyebrows.

Alex chuckled and looked away, now standing confidently. No one had ever made her lose feeling in her legs like that before.

"You look so damn proud of yourself."

Olivia gave her a soft kiss in response.

"I'm very proud," she whispered huskily in her ear.

The brunette took a step back, smiling. Alex refused to admit exactly what the sound of Olivia's voice did to her, but she didn't need to. The brunette saw it cleared when she looked down at her nipples straining against her shirt. Alex was beyond turned on and when the blonde shifted and took a step forward, she was acutely aware of how soaked her underwear was. At least the firestorm in her belly was starting to calm down now that the brunette wasn't pressing her body between her legs.

Olivia reached for Alex's hand and intertwined their fingers.

"Still hungry?" the brunette asked happily, opening the door. She held out her hand, indicating that the blonde should pass first. Alex mumbled, doing her best to glare at her as she walked out the door.

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><p><strong>Did this chapter make you happy? :) Please let me know what you think. <strong>

**This goes to you, lovingfanfic2death. Because you begged so much for some action ;) **


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Sorry for the delay in posting. Now that the holidays are over, I'll be back to posting regularly again. I hope you enjoy the newest chapter :) Happy New Year!

After making you wait so long, I decided to put this up right away. If you find any errors/confusing parts, please let me know and I'll correct them ASAP.

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><p>Olivia chuckled as she followed her outside. They walked to the SUV, Olivia opening Alex's door and helping her in before making her way to the driver's side. She turned on the GPS, finding the part of the menu that would give her a list of nearby restaurants. She found something that was 15 miles away, chose the fastest route, and then drove off.<p>

"We should ask about a phone store while we're there. I don't like not having a cellphone on me."

Alex nodded.

"Okay."

Olivia reached over and grabbed the woman's hand, holding it as they drove to the restaurant. When they arrived, she parked the car and followed Alex into a quaint (clearly family run) diner. She looked around and noticed there were only a few other patrons.

_At least it's not completely empty…_

A plump woman came out from behind the counter and greeted them warmly. Olivia nodded when the woman asked if it was only for two, and they followed her to a booth near the back of the diner.

Their waitress, Jean, was pleasant. Olivia warmed up to her right away, but Alex was more reserved. It was the brunette who did most of the talking, telling her their "names" (and nearly slipping up by calling herself O-Cameron), that they had recently moved here ("Oh I thought you girls were just passing through. Hopefully we'll see more of you then."), and asking Jean about what their new city was like.

"I don't know what it was like back in Maine, but here, it's fairly quiet. But you can find things to do if you know where to look. There's a country music festival here every year, there's tons of places to go mudding and four wheeling, but if you prefer the city life, Cheyenne is about three hours away. There's shopping and tourist-y things there, seeing as it's the capital and all."

Alex seemed to perk up slightly at the mention of the city.

"Do you have any shopping nearby?" Olivia asked. "We were hoping to stay close to home for now."

Jean nodded.

"There are a few places out in Little Current. You could start there."

"Is there a phone store in that area?"

"Sure is."

"Thanks, Jean. You've been a great help."

"Any time," she said, smiling.

They had a great meal and Olivia tipped her generously for all of her help. They promised they'd be back, and Olivia meant it. The food was great and Jean had been very kind.

"I think we've made our first friend," Olivia commented.

"It's going to be a lot easier with you around. Making friends with people comes easily to you."

Olivia smiled at her and got in the vehicle.

"You just have to talk to them. You're very easy to get along with, you know. People will love you if you open up.."

"The only reason anyone liked me at work was because you liked me. You were nice to me."

"They liked you because you're a good person, Alex," Olivia paused. She wondered momentarily if she should start calling her Valerie. She quickly decided that she didn't. They weren't around other people and besides, she had missed saying the woman's name out loud. It had been over a year since she had been able to say it.

"You tend to be quiet around new people and that can come off like you're unfriendly," she said gently. "But you're not. You just have to open up a little. You're easy to get along with, Alex."

The woman didn't respond. Instead, she looked out the window. She never tried to be unfriendly, it just didn't come as naturally as her to "just be open" as Olivia told her to be. The only reason she and Olivia had become friends at all was because, at first, the brunette had carried their conversations and wouldn't leave her alone until Alex responded. It was that darn smile and that laugh that finally broke through Alex's resolve.

"Why you smiling over there?"

Alex smiled wider.

"Because I was thinking about how you snuck your way into my life. You weaseled your way into my bubble with your charm."

Olivia smiled. Alex had not been easy to befriend, but it had been worth all the effort.

"There was just something about you. I was drawn to it."

"You didn't leave me alone, as I recall."

"Nope. I was gonna make you like me even if it took me the rest of my life. And look at that, my perseverance paid off. Now you're stuck with me."

"How do I get rid of you?"

"You can't," Olivia answered, giving an evil laugh.

Alex chuckled, shaking her head.

"I've really missed you. Have I told you that yet? I miss how you used to make me laugh."

"I missed you too. And I like making you laugh. I've missed the sound of it."

"Don't worry, you didn't really miss much of it. I haven't laughed in a long time."

Olivia quieted. It made her sad knowing that Alex had been so unhappy. She couldn't believe the blonde hadn't managed to make even one friend. Well, she could, since she knew Alex had a hard time opening up, but it hurt to know she had been truly alone.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to bring the mood down."

"You didn't. I'm just thinking. I can't imagine how lonely it was for you, Alex. How hard it must have been."

"Don't think about it. I'm used to being on my own and, honestly, the loneliness wasn't the worst part. I don't mind being alone, but I couldn't stand the fear of not knowing when they were going to find me. That was the worst: the fear, the unknown. And I couldn't protect myself either. I didn't even know who to look for. It was a constant guessing game of, is that him? What about him? I never knew."

"Do you still worry about that?"

"Yes and no. I know the program has never failed anyone before and it's a huge relief knowing that you're here. I always feel safer around you. But then I think of Velez and how powerful he is, of how many people he knows and of how many resources he has, and I can't help but worry a little."

Olivia nodded.

"Are you worried?" Alex asked.

"Not really. When Thomas calls tomorrow, I'm going to ask about getting a weapon and once I have that, I'll feel much better. I trust that the program will keep you safe. And if something happens, I'll be here."

Alex smiled at her.

"I'm very relieved you're here."

Olivia pulled into the parking lot of what she assumed was Little Current's mall.

"Good. You don't have to worry anymore, Alex. I'll take care of you."

Alex squeezed her hand affectionately.

"I know."

"Good. I think we're here."

Alex looked out at the building in front of her. There was a small strip mall with about six small stores before them.

"Wow," Alex said, unimpressed.

"I know. I wonder if we'll get to see every store tonight…"

Alex chuckled as she got out of the SUV.

"Ready to go, Cam?"

Olivia fought the frown that tugged at her lips. She wanted Alex to call her "Liv", not "Cam". She had missed the sound of her name on the woman's lips. She quickly forced a smile and placed her hand at the small of Alex's back. What mattered was that Alex was here with her, and that caused a genuine grin.

"Yes. I'm always ready."

"Good. Why don't we check out the phone store first?"

"Okay."

Olivia led the way in and, once again, did most of the talking. She got herself a new smartphone and helped Alex pick out a similar one. The blonde had decided that she didn't need all the gadgets Olivia "had to have" and went for a simpler phone. She wasn't that tech savvy anyway. As they left the store, Alex turned to the other woman.

"Seriously. Why did you have to have the waterproof phone? You have never gone swimming with your phone in your pocket."

"Yes, but now I have the _option_ of doing so."

Alex rolled her eyes. They put their bags in the trunk, Olivia keeping her cellphone in her pocket, before turning to look at the other shops.

"Grocery store, clothes store, kids store. I think that's a shoe store," Alex stated, pausing on the last shop. "Kelly's unisex hair salon. Want to get your hair cut?"

"I don't know if I trust this place with my hair."

Alex laughed.

"Come on. You need a cut anyway."

"Are you going to get one?"

"I guess I could. Emily never got her hair cut. I think it's time to change that."

"I agree. Things are going to be different for you now, so it's time for a new look."

"How short should I go?"

"Not very. I like your hair long. You could get a trim? Enough that you feel separate from Emily, but not so much that you lose all that beautiful hair," she said, running her fingers through it.

"Okay," Alex agreed.

They opened the door to the hair salon and were immediately greeted by the woman behind the counter. The first thing the brunette noticed was the size of the woman's hair. Olivia wasn't sure how many cans of hairspray the woman would have needed to keep her hair that big, but it was probably more than the brunette would use in a lifetime.

"Never mind. No," she said, moving to back out of the building.

Alex grabbed Olivia by the forearm and dragged her inside.

"Hello, ladies. What can I do ya for?"

"My friend, Cam, here is in need of a cut. And I'm looking for a trim."

This time, it was Olivia who stayed silent. She did not trust this woman to cut her hair, not in the least. She did not want to end up with hair as big as hers. Olivia was fussy about very few things, but her hair was definitely one of them. She didn't let just anyone touch it.

"Sure, no problem. Why don't we start with you, Cam, since that won't take me long."

Olivia hesitated, so Alex pushed her towards the seat.

"She's a bit nervous. She hates haircuts."

"Oh, no need to be nervous, darlin'. Nobody ever leaves here unhappy."

Olivia remained quiet. She wasn't buying it.

"Now, what are we doing?"

Alex waited to see if Olivia would finally speak, but when she didn't, Alex forced herself to speak for her.

"It's too long. She has let it grow out and it doesn't suit her like her other cut."

"What did the other cut look like?"

"Short all over. She had a bit of a bang here like this," Alex explained, running her fingers through Olivia's hair and placing it the way it used to be. "And it was only about this long. Her hair fell around her ears like this and at the back, it stopped around here."

"You sure know your friend's hairstyle. Makes my job a heck of a lot easier when I know what you want."

"I do. I liked it that way, that's why. I never forgot it," she said, meeting Olivia's gaze through the mirror.

The woman nodded and grabbed her scissors.

"Then I'll be sure to get your opinion as I cut. So did y'all just move here or you just passin' through? I've never seen you before and I know everyone 'round here."

Alex looked down at Olivia, biting her lip to stifle her laugh. The woman was staring, petrified, as the scissors approached her hair. She forced herself to look back at the hair dresser.

"We just moved here."

"Where y'all from?"

"Maine. We moved here for work."

The woman nodded.

"Not too many people willing to move here so there's a few jobs around. My name's Kelly, by the way. Kelly-Ann. But everyone calls me Kelly."

Alex nodded.

"I'm Val and this is my friend Cam."

Kelly nodded, snipping at Liv's hair.

"Y'all are friends or _friends_?" she said, raising her eyebrow at Alex.

"Um," Alex faltered.

"Okay," Kelly nodded. "Just wondering. Then you'll know best of anyone if I'm getting it right." She said, indicating Olivia's hair.

Alex smiled, a small blush rising in her cheeks.

"I was married once, to a man named Brock. He was nice, till he run off with the neighbour girl. Cliché, ain't it? Then I moved here and haven't looked back since. It's nice here. People don't judge you. They're real friendly if you're nice to 'em and that's all that matters to 'em. Might be small here, but people are accepting."

Kelly gave Alex a smile, a warm one, and Alex smiled back. The blonde was starting to like this woman. She seemed genuine.

"So what do y'all do?" Kelly asked, turning a bit to cut at a different angle.

"I'll be working as a librarian for the Little Current library and Li- uh, Cam will be working for the Youth Centre."

"Oh, Reg'll be so happy. He's been looking for a good librarian for a long time. He's been havin' one of the high school girls work for him for a few months but she ain't good. Too young."

Olivia, who finally seemed to find her voice, joined the conversation.

"Well, Val here is getting up in age so she's got a lot of experience. He'll be happy with her."

Alex smacked Olivia's side.

"You best be nice to your woman or she might nudge my arm mid-snip," Kelly teased. "And I won't stop her," she added.

Olivia stayed quiet.

"That's what I thought," Kelly said with a laugh. She gave one final look over before taking a step back. "What do you think?" she asked Alex.

Alex turned Olivia's chair and smiled wide. It was perfect. She fixed the woman's bangs and continued smiling.

"I love it."

"And what do you think, Cam?"

"If she's happy, I'm happy."

"Now you're learning!" Kelly said.

She removed the black barber cape and shook it slightly.

"You're all done. Now it's your turn, honey."

Alex smiled at her and sat, looking into the mirror as Kelly stepped behind her.

"So, what are we doing?"

"I think I'll just get a trim. I like my long hair so I'm not sure that I want to go much shorter."

"You don't want to go shorter," Liv said decisively.

Kelly chuckled.

"She's a woman of few words but she lets her opinion be known. Alright, darlin', we won't go any shorter."

Kelly began cutting Alex's hair, and the two women chatting away easily. Olivia wondered what sparked Alex's sudden ease at speaking, and asked her, gently, when they were alone in the SUV.

"I really don't know. She was just easy to talk to. Maybe it's because I knew I had to since you were obviously not going to, chicken." She added, earning a tickle to the side from Olivia. "Okay! Okay!" she squealed, pressing against the door. The brunette grinned at her, laughing.

Alex shook her head at her and continued. "It's easier with you around. I'm less tense when you're near me; I'm just more relaxed. And she did a lot of the talking, so I didn't feel so much pressure to speak."

Olivia nodded.

"I'm proud of you. You'll be the most popular girl in Little Current in no time."

Alex chuckled.

"Yeah, right."

It was ironic that a woman whose entire career had been based on her ability to speak, to dialogue, to argue, could have so much trouble communicating with people when it was about personal matters. But, it was easy for Alex to argue a case, to fight in a courtroom. She detached completely from those situations, focusing on her one goal: put the offender behind bars. Those situations had nothing to do with her. It was safe. There was no chance she could be hurt. But when she had to talk to people outside of work, she suddenly felt exposed, vulnerable. So, she did everything in her power to remain safe, and that meant keeping people at a very far distance. And she had been successful. People were unwilling to try, to persist. Eventually, they gave up.

But not Olivia. The woman had slowly chipped away at her and in doing so, had won her trust. Once she had it, she encouraged the blonde to open up to others, to let herself become vulnerable to them so that she could stop hiding in fear from the rest of the world.

"Hey, you okay over there?"

"Hmm? Yes, sorry," Alex responded, pulling herself from her thoughts. "I'm used to spending my time in my head, not talking to someone else, sorry."

Olivia reached over and squeezed her hand.

"It's okay. I just don't want you to spend too much time in there."

"I won't. Are we nearly home?"

Olivia nodded.

"Are you tired?"

"A little but probably not enough to sleep."

"Me either."

When they finally pulled into the driveway, it was nearly ten o'clock.

"Do you want to go lay down or stay up for a little?" Olivia asked.

"I'd like to stay up if you're up to it."

"I'm definitely up for it. I have a new phone to check out," she said excitedly. "I wonder what new apps are available on this thing."

Alex rolled her eyes as Olivia plopped down on the couch, phone in hand. The brunette glanced up when she saw the woman shaking her head.

"Don't tell me you weren't just as excited when you were checking out your phone in the store. 'Oh, hey, look! They have that four pictures one word! Oh, cool, bowling! Hey, they have hangman!' Sound familiar?"

Alex chuckled and sat down.

"Yeah, yeah."

She sat against the arm of the couch, curling up in the fetal position against it. She loved curling up like this on the couch; she found it very comfortable. She grabbed the remote and turned on the tv, flipping through the channels until she found something she liked.

"You've turned into a bit of a tv junkie."

Alex smiled, embarrassed.

"Yeah. I didn't really do anything else in Wisconsin. I learnt to crochet though. I like that a lot."

"You can crochet?"

"Yes. I made myself a hat. A beanie."

"Really? That's fantastic. What colour was it?"

"Navy blue. I was working on a scarf to match but…" she trailed off. She had had to stop when she came back to New York, and then everything in Wisconsin had been thrown out.

Olivia understood without her needing to explain.

"I'm sorry, Alex. Maybe we can get some needles and wool tomorrow."

Alex smiled.

"I need a crochet hook actually, but yes, that would be nice."

"You can make me a phone carrier case for my cool new phone."

Alex laughed.

"If I do, you have to use it."

"Oh I will. Don't you worry. Are you going to make a Velcro attachment so I can attach it to my jeans? I'll be the coolest lesbian around."

"I will not be an accessory to that fashion faux pas."

"I'll look so tough though!"

"No. It will be embarrassing for the both of us," she said with a grin.

Olivia caught her eye and smiled back. She held her gaze for a minute before putting her phone down on the coffee table and reaching out to Alex.

"Come here."

The blonde pushed herself up without hesitating and went into the brunette's arms. Olivia hugged her tight.

"I'm so glad to be here," the brunette whispered against her ear.

"I'm happy you're here too."

Olivia kissed her forehead and patted her lap.

"Put your head here."

Alex smiled. She wiggled down and rested her head on Olivia's thigh, just as she used to when they were dating. The brunette ran her fingers through her hair, smiling to herself. She loved Alex's hair. It was so soft. And she loved the way Alex closed her eyes and started purring against her whenever her hair was played with.

This was the first step in Olivia's routine to putting Alex to sleep. She would run her fingers through Alex's hair, massaging her scalp as she went. She'd watch as the blonde's breathing slowed down, her eyes slowly drooping, until they closed. Then, Olivia would turn the volume of the tv down until you could barely hear it. Finally, she would wait until Alex's breathing evened out completely before throwing a blanket over her sleeping body. When Alex had a rough night, Olivia would turn on her side in bed and pull the blonde into her arms and do the same thing, until the woman was passed out in her arms.

"You're gonna put me to sleep," Alex murmured.

Olivia smiled down when Alex glanced up at her. The blonde gave a soft chuckle when she saw the look on Olivia's face.

"You already know that, of course."

She turned and snuggled into Olivia's leg again, yawning softly.

"I missed your fingers in my hair. I used to think about it when I was in bed. Especially when I couldn't sleep."

"You don't have to pretend anymore. I'll be here whenever you want me to."

Alex smiled against her jeans.

"You don't know how happy that makes me."

"Yes, I do. Because the feeling is mutual."

Alex smiled wider and turned back to the television. It felt so good to have her detective back.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: I wanted to give you something to read, so I produced a very short chapter. It's short but sweet :). This is a very slow moving story, in case you hadn't noticed. I wanted to write something with a "slow burn", so this story was born. I hope you enjoy this chapter even though nothing exciting happens. Next up: Shed building! A nice couples activity ;)

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><p>The next morning, Olivia woke up at her usual 6 am. She lay in her bed, staring at the ceiling, reflecting on just how much her life had changed in such a short time. It had only been a couple of days, but in reality, it felt like it had been weeks since she was in New York. Even though they were in a strange town and living in a new house, it kind of felt like she had found an old part of herself now that she was around Alex again. It felt surreal to have the woman in her life again. It didn't matter where they were, where they worked, or how far away from New York they were located. As long as she was with Alex, she would be home.<p>

Olivia shifted and linked her hands behind her head as she turned onto her back. She bit her lip, smiling to herself. Despite Alex being across the hall, she could still hear the woman shifting in her bed. It was nice to know some things hadn't changed. Where Olivia could fall asleep and wake up in the exact same position, Alex was the complete opposite. Sometimes the woman even woke up on the opposite end of the bed. The brunette chuckled to herself, remembering the fact that that had happened on a couple of occasions. Alex was an extremely restless sleeper, but that never bothered Olivia.

The brunette sat up and then rolled out of bed, making her way to the window. She could see the lake for what felt like miles, stretching out until it disappeared on the horizon. This was a small town, there wasn't much to see, but it was beautiful. She wondered if this was so bad after all. Sure she would miss the busy streets of New York City, but she couldn't deny that the country was a bit more ideal if she wanted to raise a family with Alex. Maybe this was meant to be? They had spoken about the fact that, despite both being city women, they had always envisioned a large yard and a quiet neighbourhood in which to raise their children. It was just one more thing they had agreed upon in their relationship. Eventually, they had planned on buying a house and moving out of the city. It would be worth having to commute so that their children could grow up away from the hustle and bustle of New York City.

She turned away from the window and made her way to Alex's room, looking in on the woman. She was still sleeping peacefully, so the brunette quietly made her way downstairs and started the coffee machine. When it was ready, she poured herself a cup and made her way onto the back porch, sitting down on the step and looking out onto the water. She could get used to this; it was so calming.

She sat there for a long time, watching the stillness before her, enjoying the way her mind emptied itself of all thought. Watching the way the water moved had such a calming effect on her. She had never before had the opportunity to just sit like this because her life had always been about work. This would be a nice change of pace, living a quiet life. But she couldn't help but wonder if eventually she would get bored of living in such a quiet town. She was used to the hectic streets of New York. Could she ever get used to just…this?

She remained on the steps until she heard noise in the kitchen. She turned and saw Alex pouring herself a cup of coffee, smiling when she noticed the blonde was still in her pyjamas. The woman came and joined her on the step, sitting close enough that their hips touched.

"Hi," she smiled, leaning against Olivia.

"Hey. How did you sleep?"

Alex took a sip of her coffee before answering.

"I slept alright. I dreamt you shaved my head and when it grew back, it was wild and curly. And red."

Olivia chuckled softly and kissed the top of her head.

"I wonder what you did to annoy me to the point that I shaved your hair off."

Alex scoffed, but didn't respond. She was too busy enjoying the way Olivia's lips felt against her hair. The brunette wrapped an arm around her waist, and Alex willingly leaned into the embrace.

"How long have you been out here?"

"A while. It's nice, just sitting and watching the lake. This is so different from…"

"Yes. It's kind of nice though," the blonde whispered.

Olivia hummed in agreement.

"I was thinking of going into town today to get a shed. I figured it would be something we could do together today. And besides, if you want me doing all those renovations, I'm going to need a place to keep my tools first."

Alex took another sip of her coffee before nodding.

"That sounds like a good idea."

Olivia agreed, and the two women sat there in silence until Alex spoke up again.

"Remember that time on your couch when we described our ideal home?"

Olivia chuckled. She did.

"Yes. You described how you wanted a big Victorian home with three to four bedrooms with a nice yard for the kids to play in. You wanted earthy tones for the living room and a nice, bright kitchen. You had all these details figured out and I told you the only thing I wanted a big garage. I didn't care about the rest as long as I didn't have to fix anything."

Alex laughed against her chest.

"You got screwed big time with this place. You have no garage and you have an arm's length list of renovations to do."

Olivia smiled and gave a small shrug.

"I'd have built the house myself from the ground up if it meant having you here with me."

Alex felt a warmth flood her when Olivia spoke those words. She looked up at the woman and smiled, burying her face in her neck. She inhaled deeply. God, this woman. She was so romantic, so loving. She could say things so casually but with such honesty and emotion that it brought Alex to tears.

Olivia tightened her grip on her waist, pulling her closer. This might not have been the home that she and Alex had once envisioned living in, but it seemed absurd now to have even cared what their future house would look like. What mattered now was that she was with Alex, that she was safe, and that they were together. They would make this house their home. _She_ would make this house their home. She would spend day and night rebuilding this house until Alex was satisfied. Nothing mattered but this woman, right here, cuddled in her embrace.

"Have you thought about what kind of shed you want?" Alex asked, bringing Olivia back to the present.

"Not really. What do you want?"

"It doesn't matter to me. I'm not the one who will be using it. As long as it doesn't clash with the house, I don't care."

"Do you want to come with me to pick it out?"

"Not particularly. I know how picky you are when it comes to that sort of thing. I don't really feel like sitting there for half an hour pouring over the details of each individual shed and weighing the pros and cons of each one."

Olivia grinned.

"Now you know how I feel when you drag me clothes shopping."

Alex smiled and pulled away, finishing her coffee with a final gulp.

"I guess I do. The only difference is, I make you come anyway," she said with a wink. "Why don't you drop me off at the grocery store while you go looking for your perfect shed? We need to stock our cupboards and since it will take you three years to pick one out, I'll have plenty of time to shop."

"It will not take me three years," Olivia said with mock indignance. Alex simply raised her eyebrow in response.

"Okay, fine. It will take me a while." Olivia stood and held her hand out. "Come on, pain. Let's get ready. That will take _you_ three years."

Alex grinned happily and took Olivia's hand. As she walked past the brunette, she placed her hand on her hip and leaned in to mumble low in her ear, "I only try to look good for you, detective."

Olivia swallowed hard.


End file.
